irony

...and isn't it interesting how the victimized always oppresses those within it's ranks under the hiding itself in  guise of martyrdom?

Bravery

Isn't it funny the effect that bitching someone out can sometimes have on you? I don't know, lately I feel so liberated. I am so tired of hiding who I am or what I am feeling for the sake of someone else. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do think that it is important to be considerate. But when it interferes with your own health, there is a problem. So, then,someone was being a total douche bag, and I turned into a total bitch in return. That one small thing has led to a wonderful experience of exposing myself to a community that I never thought I would have the bravery to face. I spent years running from them, trying to be someone else. Hiding from them because there were so many and they all felt so big that I just needed a sense of myself...of me, my own peace. I needed the "comfort of my own protection"...but now, I'm done running.  I can't live my life in darkness so that I don't hurt someone. I'm going to be me, and you are just going to have to deal with it.

Tea and Coffee.

A long day, a good day. Started it off with Tara Stiles' yoga routines and coffee, my morning ritual of breakfast and feeding the animals. It has been raining for 3 days straight.

Headed off to class, then to work.

 I'm ending the day with a cup of chamomile tea.

"Emotions are ephemeral, like flowers and beauty; when they appear, it is our duty to appreciate them."

One moment I'm up, the next moment I'm down. One moment I feel so powerless in a system, a government, that appears to be increasingly designed to make it's people lethargic and dependent on it. I see the deaths, the hate crimes, the sexism in our society and it makes me cringe with desperation and anger. I feel so powerless to stop it. The only way to ease the pain is to further the hate and increase the negativity.

There are points in yoga that actually make me feel a certain way. They must be triggering a gland to release a certain hormone, because a stretch can make me want to cry, a bend can make me feel elated, powerful. A sequence can give me life again, breathing through me.

I can feel anxious,powerless,dispairing, hoplessness, emptyness, hopefullness, elation, empowered, numb, bland, excited, happy, tired, energized, peaceful, calm, and everything else imaginable all throughout 1 day. The only thing I can do throughout these rapidly changing emotions is take them in, breathe them in, appreciate them, and let them go.

Embrace Me. Surround Me.

as the rush comes...

...We drift deeper...