...cause the truth is all there is."-Handsom Boy Modeling School, "The Truth"
I have to say, I disagree with this statement, although I'd love for it to be true. People hide from the truth every day, constantly desperate to escape reality. It's absolutely natural and healthy. The problem enters when people try to impose their fantasies on others and pass them off as reality and truth. Honestly, no one knows the truth. All we have are best guesses.
I was once arrogant enough to think that I knew, for sure, too. I was so certain. I felt it with every breath I took; intensity. Every step I took; sacred. Every word I spoke; holy. It was so wonderful, beautiful, amazing... and then it burned out, like a supernova, as all good things do. The reason? Because it required uncritical and unquestioning faith.
How can you enjoy the supernova with your eyes closed? You can't. You start to wonder what you've missed when you hear it. You open your eyes and find yourself enamoured by the beauty and power. You're angry and bitter at those who convinced you to close your eyes for 18 years of your short life. You get over it. It might take a few years, but pretty soon, you just start to feel sorry for your oppressors. They're all too blinded by their own glory to see the truth, or at least as much of it as humanly possible. They've created mythologies and stories to warn you of the danger of opening your eyes...they've spent so much energy trying to keep you as afraid as they are.
It starts coming back to you, finally, four years later. The anger and bitterness is replaced with sympathy for their ignorance. You feel their judgement, you hear their words, and initially it invokes anger, but after a few moments, that falls away, and all you're left with is love for them.
How sad, that they are going to live their short lives completely blinded. The truth is so much bigger than white; it's black, white, and all colors in between. It's beautiful, it's pain, it's everything. It's not some childish notion of good and evil. It's so much bigger than that.
Every day, I try to throw caution to the wind and accept myself. Every day, when I feel judgment coming from someone and I'm hesitant, I just say fuck it, and let it hang loose...let myself out of my cage. That is the only way to be alive.
